About self-discovery and inner peace
After a two-year hiatus from writing on Médium, I’m amazed by how much has changed in my life. Reading my old articles fills me with a gentle melancholy as I remember little Ki, so confused about life, with emotions and aspirations that made her constantly sway like a ship in a storm.
Today, I am much calmer. I had the extreme luck of finally mastering self-awareness and learning how to manage my emotions. It is maybe something easy for some, but to me, it feels like a cheat code to life.
Self-awareness has brought clarity to every aspect of my life. I now understand my wants, likes, identity, boundaries, admirations, and the why behind each.
I know why I love my job so much, and I’m glad that this love is not dependent on external factors. I know what I enjoy about solo traveling. I know why I am attracted to a certain type of people. I know why hot chocolates are my madeleine de Proust. I know why I always wanted to come back to Abidjan. I’m aware of what truly matters to me and why — and when I’m not aligned with these values, I feel completely off-center. I know to exit situations that don’t satisfy me. But more importantly, I know that there are so many things that I still don’t know, even about myself. I’m delighted in advance to discover them as I grow.
My constant need for external validation has diminished significantly. I used to love asking for advice, and always be so unsure of everything. Nowadays, I trust myself — which doesn’t mean that I don’t listen to other people. I like asking for opinion but I do not let other people make decision for me. No one knows better than I what is best for me. I feel more comfortable making mistakes too, as I am aware that I’ll always make them anyway. I aim more to course-correct rather than doing things well on the first try. I’ve learned that life’s challenges often seem more overwhelming in the moment than they actually are. I have adapted to uncertain situations before, and can do it again. I trust in my ability to navigate changes. Lol, I’m fronting.
If we’re being real, none of us have much choice other than to adapt. It is what it is and what will always be. I just accepted it, which gave me more peace.
My early twenties was riddled with anxiety, particularly about my life’s direction. I was so stressed and self-conscious. To my past self, I want to say that all the effort — the books, videos, introspective conversations, and moments of courage — led to a rewarding destination. The path was painful, and scary. I do not recommend it. But little Ki, the resulting self-confidence is worthy.
I love reading these types of posts from strangers online, sharing their experiences as human beings on this surprising planet. I would like to write more, but I make no promises, friends.
Talking about internet friends, I don’t know how many of you are still here on Medium, but I wanted to say hi tonight and maybe offer a bit of hope to any twentysomething who, like little Ki, might be struggling with existential crisis and anxiety.
The older folks were right — it does get better with age and experience. Don’t give up in your pursuit of finding yourself. Keep reading and thinking, and more importantly, stay true to your inner child. Just be brave enough to do the things your heart keeps whispering to you. Keep pushing while you’re afraid. Go to therapy too, it really works.
Things get better.
